Love Letter to Mariella

I love Mariella . I love her with all of my heart. She has fast grown to be one of my dearest friends in the entire world. We have only known each other for a few months. We met via this sex blog world, so indeed, we have fucked some of the same boys. But besides that, we like to see movies together and we like to talk about boys and kiss and laugh and daydream together. We like to write each other sappy emails and we test each other's capacity for honesty. And somehow, the ways in which I have wanted to be friends with some other women in my life comes through in this very friendship with Mariella. She is, in some ways, my Mega-Girl Friend.

The drama we have gone through together has been at times intense. And not pleasurable. We have never wanted to hurt each other. But our worlds have overlapped in some sexy, romantic kinds of complicated ways and we have hurt each other's feelings on occasion. That has made me sad. And it's made her sad, too. Because I want her to be happy. And she wants me to be happy, too. And because we take pleasure in each other's happiness, and despite any conflict we might have, our friendship remains strong.

Crushing on the same boys has destroyed lesser friendships before.

But it's not gonna destroy us.

I know the nature of our friendship will continue to change. New boundaries will be set and old ones will be tossed aside and we will create new ways to protect each other and new ways to protect ourselves and we will still have fun, and be adventurous, and grow—together. And I look forward to that. We will heal each other through words, but our actions will prove to be the basis for the beautiful changes in our friendship.

Mariella is the high school best friend I never had. We are coming of age as a duo, in some ways--learning how to be intimate, and strong, and vulnerable—together. But really, separately. Yes. Separately. In the end, we are two different people, looking for different things, on our own.

But here's what I like to think.

That Mariella and I are on our own—together. If that's possible. I am rooting for her. She is rooting for me. We're running the same race. And I love having her as my running partner.

I love you, Mariella. I thought I should just say it here for everyone to know.

Xoxo,
Janie