Sexy Fall

For me, Fall is the sexiest season.

Upon first examination, that might not seem quite right. All other seasons seem to have sexier things naturally going for them. Summer: the heat (sweaty fucking). Winter: the cold (snuggling for warmth). Spring: rebirth and regeneration (putting on a short skirt, and flirting for all to see). But there is something about fall that puts me in the mood more than any other time of year.

It's always been this way. Maybe part of it stems from school starting in the fall--all the boys and girls coming back after summer break, my eyes and ears poised to hear whose voices dropped, whose muscles formed.

Or maybe it's the fact that my birthday is in the fall, and whenever I turn a year older, I have a tendency to look back and see what I accomplished. I have a tendency to look ahead and fantasize of what could be. Considering a lot of my recollections and daydreams are of a sexual nature, birthdays, well--birthdays make me horny.

Or maybe it's just what fall FEELS like: brisk, sunny, breezy, crisp. This kind of weather feels best on my skin. I like the cold, I like walking in it, and playing in it. I like the sting of an almost wintry wind in my lungs. I most like the way bourbon tastes in this weather. I like the food of Fall the best: stews, cornbread, apple cider. I like the clothes of Fall: sweaters, corduroy, layers, hats, plaid, wool. I like picking out a bench in a park and sitting and reading on it until it gets too dark, until the cold air starts to make me ache and I have to go meet someone for coffee.

All these fall details, for me, are sexy. They are sexy not because they're kinky, or exotic, or push boundaries. They are sexy because they are COMFORTING.

We always talk about doing new things in bed here on this blog. Or trying out new people in the sack. Or falling for new boys. And these things are all well and good, and push me to grow, and shape me and my preferences, but there is something to be said for feeling comfortable--at home, not pushed, not pulled. There is something to be said for just a really good lay, or a really good kiss, and just how good that feels. How at home I feel when something is basically comforting and when I can basically just feel like myself.

This is not to say that fall is the Season of Vanilla Janie. Of course, I know I am adventurous. I know this because some of the stories I tell my friends shock them. I know this because when I write down some of my stories, I am shocked myself, shocked at what I dared to try, shocked at what he dared to do to me. It is a wonderful thing to surprise yourself. But it is also a wonderful thing to be able to relax. And know that whatever you do is the right thing to do because it's what feels right. I mean, REALLY right, waayyy deep down, not right because it's daring, not right because it's kinky, not right because it's a risk. But right because it's what your soul is telling you to do.

Sometimes kink is perfect. Sometimes it's exactly what I need. But sometimes, in the miraculous moment where the forbidden becomes allowed, kink suddenly becomes not kinky. And I'm able to relax and do these things that are suddenly things I do, not things I dream about. That's the miracle. When what was once uncomfortable becomes comfortable. Or at least MORE comfortable. Threesomes, domination, simple casual sex. All seemed impossible at one point or another. Now these things are at my fingertips. And that feels quite nice. Like I'm becoming myself.

In the end, though, at the very end of this journey, when I'm eighty years old, and perhaps toothless, and hunched over and tired and maybe not as sexually-driven as I used to be, I know what I'm going to want: a kiss. On a park bench. In Fall. The heat coming through the cup of hot apple cider that I'm holding and warming my hand. His gloved hand warming my other hand. And falling into his kiss. Slow and gentle and without expectation. Comfortable. Sweet.

Sometimes, the sexiest thing for me, for bad-ass kinky exploratory Janie is sweetness.

Comfortable sweetness.

Happy Fall, everyone.

xo,
Janie