“So, do you want to use any of your new toys?” he asked me, sleepily, all covered up in my flannel sheets.
“Oh, right!” I exclaimed, jumping off the bed to get my little box of goodies. “New toys!”
It was St. Patrick’s Day. We’d just finished up round one of sexy time. Fuck of the Irish. Ha! Like LUCK of the Irish! It’s a pun, get it?!? Oh lord. Anyway: first toy review! From Sex Toys!
The Berman Center Selene Vibrating Clitoral Pump. Which, funnily enough, you can find under As Seen on Oprah. (Oh jeeze. Oprah.)
“Okay,” I said, hopping back onto the bed. Taking a deep breath, I opened up the cool parallelogram-shaped box. Inside, there was a little light purple gauzy pouch.
“Oooh, look, a pouch! Isn’t it cute?” Little drawstring and everything. Aw, sweet. Anyway, I quickly explored deeper the contents of the box. The pouch wouldn’t be, you know, the thing helping me to get off.
“Oh, look, it comes with little attachments!” I said, giggling. So, okay, here’s how it works: there’s the purpley-pink plastic machine part of the toy that you can put batteries in (optional), there’s a short plastic neck of the toy, then there’s the suction head of the toy, and then there’s little silicon rings, one with tickly little fingers, and one ring without the tingly fingers, to be put on the suction head. And, ooh, this was the cutest part—-there’s a little cord coming from the end of the toy and leading to the little purple football shaped pump—that’s what I’d be squeezing in order to get my clit all big.
My goal was this: to obtain a mini-cock. Honestly, probs too lofty a goal. I mean, my clit’s pretty apparent, very accessible, as it is. And I adore heavy stimulation on it. I’d let him go down on me for a couple of days if it weren’t for the knowledge that his cock has quite the way of filling me up just SO.
“Okay, let’s put this thing on,” I said. “Ha. First time! Aren’t you glad I waited til you were here! Fun!”
“Yeah!” he said. “Fun!” Ever enthusiastic. Even when it’s late and we’ve had fruity beer and were up til like 5 the night before.
“So, okay, let’s see.” I put on the plain old silicone head onto the head of the clitoris pump. Then, I remembered: oh, right, it’s a vibrator, too. I mean, I’d picked the toy for that, but had forgotten that it didn’t come with batteries. But no matter. The pump itself works without batteries. I’d end up using it as a vibe a couple days later, as he fucked me from behind. (Which, incidentally, was fun and all, but all that rigorous thrusting into my cunt sort of made the clitoris pump fall off mid-fuck.)
Anyway, getting ahead of myself. First trial!
I managed to put the silicone ring on the toy the wrong way. In fact, I hadn’t figured out that it was really a sleeve to go OVER the pump until a few days later. Maybe cuz I’m not so good at mechanical things. Or maybe it’s just not very clear how it’s supposed to be put on. In any case, the suction worked anyway, even with the ring attachment put on wrong. I slapped it on over my clit and the surrounding skin. I told him to squeeze the little purple football shaped pump and then—tada! My clit started to swell inside the plastic suction tube thingy! You could see it and everything! Fun!
“Oohhh!” I exclaimed. “Fun!” I could already feel my pussy getting wet. All the blood going right to the area. I see why this thing is like an accompaniment to getting orgasms. I bet it helps if it’s hard to get there.
But then the pump wouldn’t pump anymore. Just three little pumps and that’s all it would do. Done and done.
“I guess that’s it, that’s as far as it can go,” he said. I was sort of disappointed. I wanted more pumping.
Then we noticed the little heart-shaped button next to the purple football shaped pump, which, when pressed, would release the suction. I pressed it a couple times, and the air went out. My clit and labia started to sort of shrink and then the suction just popped off.
Hmmm. Was that it? I thought. And yeah. That’s sort of it.
Of course, it’s more of an accessory to the crime known as FUCKIN’ then it is like a play-alone toy—in my opinion. That first night, we fucked a while with the thing on me. He couldn’t get in my pussy first off, cuz my pussy was sort of clamped shut. Tight. The tension that the clitoral pump provided made it hard for that initial penetration but once we got going—pretty fun. Though I think me playing with my clit or him playing with my clit would have done just as good a job. And as his body pressed against mine, the hard plastic parts sort of dug into my skin. That wasn’t fun. And then a few days later, while doing it doggie-style, clit pump on, WITH vibrator, somehow he managed to scrape his dick against the hard plastic parts of the toy. Which we noticed the next morning. Poor penis.
I have tried putting the clitoral pump on my nipples as well. Because, I mean, why not? His nipples, too. That was kind of fun. But more like, look at my flesh swell-visual sort of thing. Rather, than: Wow, I am like totally overcome with sexual sensations. Whatevs, though. The clitoral pump is what it is.
I tried using it while fucking myself with the Pure Wand today. Turned the vibrator on, using the silicon attachment that has the little jelly fingers. The jelly fingers didn’t really do much on my clit. Again, oh wells.
The whole thing is sort of a smaller contraption. If it were an all over pussy pump, that’d be hot. My guy mentioned that as well. We just wanted it bigger, more, stronger. I guess I’m not super duper into subtle toys. I guess this little guy is more on the subtle side. As scary as clitoral pump might sound, it’s really just a cute little toy that might be aid in making your pussy slick. That’s what I’m thinking.
A few days ago, my boyfriend was sucking my clit really hard during oral. After, he said, did I suck it as hard as the clit pump? I told him that really, it was just totally different. But I did get off on the added zingy-pain of him sucking my clit so hard. And without the clitoral pump, he might not have thought to do suck so hard. So it’s nice that toys can inspire lovers. I just kind of wish this toy were a bit more inspired itself. Or harder working. Like some lovers I know.
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