A Good Thing Threesome

I asked Kay out on a date—a date with me and my boyfriend.

She said yes.

And that was very exciting.

Kay is an achingly lovely, olive-skinned smile of a gal. That lighting up a room thing? She can do that. Lightbulb Girl.

I mean, Kay is momentous. She is. And I don’t say this to make her blush. When I met her, when Adam met her—we kind of knew. That she’d bring the right vibe. That we’d compliment each other. I mean. Chemistry is difficult enough between two people. But between three? It’s hard. I mean. It’s hard for me.

But Kay made it easy.

You see, Kay is the first girl I’ve met who I really wanted to invite into the bedroom with me and my boyfriend. In like. The very specific threesome way.

We met her outside a quaint Italian restaurant on the Upper West Side. Days before, I told Adam that we’d need to take her out to dinner first, feed her before we took her home and ate her alive. At one point, right before the date, Adam said that he felt like he was more along for the ride of the date between Kay and me. And I could see that. How he would feel that. I was the one who’d been texting her, emailing her. But I also knew as soon as the three of us sat down, and wine was poured, and ricotta dumplings were consumed, that we’d be three peas in a pod.

Peas we were. Three happy horny little peas.

Kay looked so pretty as she first dashed past us outside the restaurant, missing us altogether.

“Kay!” we half-yelled. “Kay!” and she stopped, and turned around and TWINKLED. In her little dress with all her long flowing hair and I instantly got a rush of excitement. I looked at my man and I looked at this girl and I thought: Good Lord, Possibility. Possibility like a burst of cold Autumn air, possibility like a shot of whiskey, possibility glowing as bold and as hard and as fierce as the streetlight. Possibility, present and obvious and awesome.

Of course, I was getting ahead of myself.

But there are times when we have to get ahead of ourselves to see where we could end up.

Dinner itself was just okay. Kay’s fish was nothing spectacular, Adam’s special pasta dish was, like, meh. My ravioli were great. Broccoli rabe. Bitter. Sage butter sauce. Which you could pour on Con Ed bills and they’d be delicious. We drank wine. We talked about law. And work. And school. And boys. and all manners of things. At one point, I went up to use the ladies room. So did Kay. It was just a one-stall, one room deal. When I finished peeing, Kay was standing outside the restroom.

She looked at me, beaming, and said, “This is so exciting. I’m having so much fun.”

“Me too,” I said and kissed her briefly on the lips. A smile on our mouths as we kissed. A secret kiss exchanged as bus boys filled water beside us and pretended not to stare.

Adam sat beside Kay the whole meal. I sat across from them. The waiter flirted with me. I exclaimed that perhaps he thought I was the single girl and Kay and Adam were on the date! Which made me a little wet. I was at once the voyeur, and a facilitator, in a way. But I think we were all that. Center of attention and the guest. But I cannot speak for them, really. I can only speak for me. And I was enjoying my role as girlfriend and hot date.

Let's jsut fast-forward, shall we?

With three people, in a bed, the events happen all at once. There are many things occurring. There are many private parts pulsating. There are many nipples hardening. There are many goosebumps. There are many limbs. There are many details of flesh.

It is a plentiful fuck.

I remember Adam on top of me, first, kissing me. And then turning to Kay. Kissing her. Their faces soooo close to mine. I could see their lips clinging and their tongues slipping and I have to say: out of everything—I most enjoyed watching them kiss. Perhaps that is because kissing Adam is one of the things I most enjoy doing myself. Kay was at once a mirror. And also her own image.

I could see myself in her.

And then I could see myself in Adam as he groped her. I could see my mouth in Kay’s mouth as she sucked Adam’s cock. I could see my tongue in Adam’s tongue as he lapped at her clit. I could feel my cunt when Adam’s fingers stabbed at her melting pussy, which left a delicate puddle on the sheet.

Kay made me feel grateful.

Kay never made me feel jealous.

I liked kissing Kay. And then kissing Adam. Kissing Kay. And then kissing Adam. The differences of their mouths.

But Kay’s mouth.

Kay’s mouth gives blow jobs that look like porn.

Because my man’s cock disappeared down her throat.

Disappeared. No trace. Magic trick.

“That looks sooooo nice,” he said as Kay swallowed him whole.

“Oh my God,” I murmured. Then I started squirming and kicking at the sheets. “That looks so hot. It’s so hot, I can’t take it.” I whispered into Adam’s ear. “I can’t take it.”

But I could take it. I could take this for hours.

When Adam fucked me later on, Kay said:

“You two are so sexy together.”

And I think I said thank you. I should have if I didn’t. Because I remember her saying that. How it at once touched me and appealed to my vanity. And I thought of that the other day, when my ankles were beside his ears, and he moved my hips back and forth, positioning my pussy so that he could so deftly fuck it and hit that spot over and over again, I thought. Huh. I wonder if Kay would think this looked sexy.

Adam beat at our shoulders and asses and legs with the meanest rubber flogger in the land. The welts that rose on our flesh. Adam mauled at our tits and pinched and punched them. Adam had two girls that liked pain a little bit in his bed. Adam embraced that. And then littered our blushing, slightly bruised bodies with kisses.

Kay embraced eating my pussy as Adam gave her direction. I closed my eyes and heard his voice. Flatten your tongue. Suck on her clit. Stick your tongue deep inside. Lap at her clit. And feeling Kay’s mouth do what Adam was saying made me feel like I was the star in the hottest instruction video that ever came to be.

“You should really eat this pussy, Janie,” my man said. And I did. I was just thinking to myself, I should really eat that pussy, when he said it. And what pussy it was. Salty and wet. A smell so sexy I wanted to eat the smell. I found myself gulping it down as I flicked my tongue hard against her clit my own clit pulsating as I felt hers get warmer against my face.

We played with each other for hours. Sensual. And comfortable. And I was blissed out.

Kay and I slept in Adam’s bed that night while Adam, like a gentleman, took the couch. He said the next morning, after Kay had left to go home, that he loved hearing us giggle in his bed as he woke up.

The night before, at the very beginning, Adam’s eyes were all shiny with wine and sex and anticipation.

“You two look like angels,” he said, as Kay and I cuddled next to one another and gazed up at him.

Hours later, I was so happy. For all three of us.

A successful threesome.

Not always easy to come by.

A good thing.

With more good things to come.

A Trip to the Nude Beach (Featuring a Special Guest Blogger!)

A couple months back, my boyfriend, Adam, Laken, Jefferson, and I all went to the nude beach. I had such a lovely time. So did my boyfriend. (Shocker.) I told him to write about it. And here is the end result! I loved his own account of our nude beach excursion so much, I thought it would be appropriate to post it here. So here's an extra-special glimpse into the adventures of Janie Blooms and friends--as told by her boyfriend. Enjoy!!!

“If Jefferson and Laken don’t pack sandwiches for themselves, I swear…,” said Janie, shaking her head.

“Relax,” I said, surprisingly firmly. I’m sure some girls get even more upset when you tell them to relax, but not Janie. She just chuckled and said, “You’re right.”

I knew why Janie was nervous, and it had nothing to do with whether our friends would be bringing sandwiches for the beach. It was that the beach we were all going to go to wasn’t just any beach. It was a nude beach.

Neither Janie or I had ever been to a nude beach, though it’s something I’ve had on my list since I was 16. And even though I haven’t been to the gym in over a year and have started to gain a small belly, I wasn’t really concerned about letting a bunch of strangers see my still body from head to toe. In fact, I was pretty excited.

Janie was excited too. But I knew it was a bigger deal for her than it was for me. Janie’s lost 30 pounds or so since we first started dating, and if she blew my mind when we first started fucking, it definitely hasn’t changed for the worse. But the idea of baring it all in broad daylight for all to see – her tummy, her large breasts that get approving hoots and hollers from the Latin guys in her uptown neighborhood, her thighs, her ass – for her was both stimulating and nerve-racking. But she knew it would represent a momentous step in how she sees her body. Plus, between the two of us, it was her idea.

We met Jefferson and Laken on an agreed-upon corner in Jefferson’s neighborhood. As we saw them approach, 10 minutes late on account of what we figured was a morning fuck, I was already feeling a little flirty. After all, the four of us had slept together on a previous occasion, which I had enjoyed a great deal. Plus, Jefferson and I had spent at least half a dozen nights together alone, during which he always gave me a good assfuck. Janie and I had agreed beforehand that we weren’t going to have another foursome that day, but still, it would be impossible for the energy in the air to be simply “platonic.” Laken and I hugged a little awkwardly, but Jefferson and I kissed on the lips, and the morning seemed full of possibilities. Would we agree to just get naked in the car on the way to the beach? Would Janie and I be able to find a secluded spot to fuck to release the tension when it was too great? Only time would tell.

Ironically, as Janie had predicted, Jefferson and Laken had not prepared any food for the trip, and asked Janie if she had enough for all of us. She explained that she didn’t, and we agreed to stop in one of the local supermarkets to pick up some things. I put myself on beer detail and grabbed six-packs of Corona and Sam Adams Summer Ale. Noticing that the signs advertised 15 limes for a dollar, I filled up a bag with more limes than we would ever need for only 12 beers. After paying, I noticed across the street an even better deal. “17 for 99 cents! They fucked me!” I exclaimed. Everyone chuckled, and even though we were getting a later start than we wanted, we were all in good spirits for the day ahead of us.

Walking to the car, I confessed that one thing I was looking forward to was the prospect of seeing lots of bush. “I just never see it, that’s all. Every girl in New York seems to shave herself like a porn star.” I knew though that I should be careful not to make this seem more than a passing fancy, since Janie had already teasingly threatened to let her bush grow out completely, which she said is like a jungle, extending to her thighs.

The way to the beach was pleasant but tame. Laken and Jefferson entertained us with story after story about what it’s like growing up in the American Deep South, while we listed to Nick Cave and MGMT. After realizing we missed our exit over 45 minutes after we passed it and then backtracking to fix the error, we were all extra eager to get to our destination.

Arriving at the beach, we were surprised to see everyone outside still had their clothes on. A round of jokes began about how funny (but not funny) it would be if it was just a regular, clothes-required beach, after all the anticipation. Jefferson suggested we head toward the beach while he parked the car. I volunteered to carry the larger, filled cooler by myself, which I strained to keep holding as we walked down the surprisingly long boardwalk. Arriving at the edge of the boardwalk, and still slightly confused by the lack of naked flesh, we decided to wait for Jefferson and all go to the beach together.

As the four of us started on the sand, in the distance we saw bodies that were uniformly beige or brown. As we got closer, we passed a sign that said “you may encounter nude sunbathers beyond this point.” As we got even closer, the sight of naked bodies was confirmed, though really without any shock. We saw a naked volleyball game, which included a woman as well. As we reached the more densely populated part of the beach, we set about looking for a spot to lay down our blanket.

As soon as I put down the cooler, I made sure everyone was looking at me, and jumped out of my clothes in a matter of seconds. I wanted Laken to see the semi-hard dick she had once politely sucked. And once I was naked, there was not much for everyone else to do but get naked also. Side by side Laken and Janie undressed, revealing their sexy bodies – Laken, with a very slim body, small but perky tits, and Janie, who is made of curves. As a joke, Jefferson took of his pants and underwear but left his t-shirt on just to show how ridiculous it looked. But off that came to, and just like that, we are all naked in the sun, with nothing much else to do but relax… and put on sunscreen.

Jefferson and I separately began to rub lotion onto each of our girls. Part of the fun of this, I realized, would be to linger as long as possible doing ordinary activities without resorting to something that would actually count as sex. I patiently massaged the lotion into Janie’s back, her shoulders, her ass, her thighs, her calves, her feet. I had already figured out during one of our very first fucks that Janie gets turned on when I rub her back. Having lingered over her backside long enough, it was time to do her front. As far as I was concerned, the practical need for her to have sunscreen on every part of her body more than justified than need to do the globes of her chest. She may have gotten a little embarrassed at some point, but I wasn’t.

I needed some sunscreen on me now, and Janie was quick to return the favor, massaging my shoulders and buttocks. I put handfuls of lotion on my cock and rubbed it in. I didn’t care that I had a paper-white dick – I didn’t want to take any chances about having my dick get burned the first time I bring it out into the sunlight for hours on end. Janie and I kissed, and for the umpteenth time, I felt lucky that she was my girlfriend.

Deciding to refresh ourselves with food and beer, we opened the cooler and the other bags. Laken sat on the blanket spread eagle, and I unabashedly stared at the shaved, pink pussy I had once eaten and still hoped to fuck eventually. I also checked out Jefferson’s familiar cock, and was pleased when I felt the others were looking at me. From nearby, the sounds of the Allman Brothers’ “Whipping Post” were coming out of someone’s boombox. It was a Sunday afternoon and I had felt like I had no care in the world.

Having slaked our hunger and thirst, Janie and I decided to take a walk along the beach. Janie suggested taking a dip in the ocean, but I knew it was cold and had no desire to do so. We walked along the shoreline and passed couples and singles. There were definitely way more guys than girls. It really didn’t bother me any – I wasn’t making more than fleeting glances in anyone’s direction - but it did disappoint Janie some. We noticed one guy who was holding one of those fake Groucho Marx nose-and-moustache get-ups over his dick. When we reported this to Jefferson and Laken, we all agreed that that was silly, but not in a good way.

Returning to our blanket, I decided to lay down and take a nap… on my back. Before nodding off, I mumbled to Janie, “you know, I think I’m a bit of an exhibitionist.” Janie responded confidently, “I know you are.” “How do you know?” I asked, curious to hear my new idea about myself substantiated. “Well, you were the first one with your clothes off this afternoon, and you just really enjoy your body.” “And I guess the naked dancing when I’m high,” I added. “Yeah, that too.”

As I awoke from my nap, I knew what it was time for – time to reapply sunscreen! Janie lay on her stomach as I suggested, and I straddled her ass for maximum lotion-applying ease. As I worked the lotion into the small of her back, I found that I could rub my cock intermittently in the same motion. Janie didn’t know what I was up to, but Jefferson seemed to enjoy the show.

Perhaps in response to the increasing air of excitement, Jefferson put Laken in his lap, and wore a mischievous grin on his face has he worked his fingers inside her pussy. As I already knew from previous experience, Jefferson has some talented fingers.

Well, the ante was set, so I’d have to at least call it. While Janie was sitting with her back mostly to me, my fingers reached around for that magic button of hers. I thought we were being pretty clandestine, but if my arm’s weird position didn’t give me away to Jefferson and Laken, then my hard-on most certainly did.

Maybe the sexual tension between the four of us had reached a peak, or maybe it’s just hard to go back to relaxing after that, but we all decided it was time we should get going. The beach would be closing soon anyway. As we were gathering up our stuff, Jefferson pointed out to me that the couple on the blanket next to ours were now engaged in some play of their own. I guess excitement’s just contagious that way.

The Miracle Massager

Oatmeal raisin to chocolate chip. Fleece to wool. Law and Order to The Wire.

The Miracle Massager to the Hitachi Magic Wand.

Good versus. You know. Amazing.

But I don’t want to bash the Miracle Massager completely. After all, it’s The Oatmeal Raisin Cookie of Sex Toys!

I got my Miracle Massager in the mail a couple of days ago. My boyfriend managed to open the package before I did, plugging it in and placing the head of the vibrator over his balls. He was in his jeans, by the way.



“It’s pretty powerful,” he said.

I took it from him and placed it over my crotch. I was still wearing my jeans, too.

“Yeah, it is,” I said. “Pretty powerful. And pretty, too. I like how it’s black. And the handle is lighter. And the red bulb. It’s sleeker than the…”

“Hitachi,” he finished. “But…”

See, there’s really no getting around the fact that the Miracle Massager models itself after the Cadillac of Vibrators, Hitachi Magic Wand. Both aim to provide quick clitoral orgasms. Hitachi does this VERY quickly in my experience. Miracle Massager took a while. The Miracle Massager is a good vibe, though. And I’ll tell you why.

The Miracle Massager is very light. You can hold it in your hand for a long time without any wrist strain. Ha. It’s very quiet for the amount of power it possesses, too. So sort of elegant. And the head is bendable, ie, you can like aim at certain areas better, which is fun. It’s pretty damn strong. One of those vibes that warms you up and gets you slick like THAT. Unfortunately, it didn’t come with an attachment. On my Hitachi, I have this blue hook that I put on the head. (The bf calls it Grover, which makes me laugh). The hook was originally intended to make the Hitachi able to penetrate and for gspot stim, but I like the hook cuz you can place it directly on your clit, and wowzer, insta-gasm. The head of the Miracle Massager placed directly on my clit for too llong made me a bit numb and itchy. Sounds awful, but it wasn’t that bad. I still ended up coming really hard. I guess you can buy an attachment for the Miracle, too. Which I guess I should have thought of.

Okay, plus, some girls don’t like how powerful the Hitachi is. They prefer the lower wattage of other vibrators to get them off. I like really direct, tough, intense vibration. And penetration. I like my men to do me slow and sweet but my vibes—quick, hard, I could care less about making this romantic for you-kind-of-fuck.

In the end, the Miracle Massager is a good thing to have in my arsenal. No doubt. I think the girls who occasionally accompany me in the bedroom will like this vibe quite a bit. I also think I’ll use it every now and again because it does the job. It just takes a little longer to get you there than the vibe I’ve named so many times before. I look forward to feeling the Miracle’s effects when there’s an attachment involved. So I’ll get on top of that. But seriously: you want a vibe that’s very powerful and just does the job (but maybe not as quickly as one other toy in the world) Buy the Miracle Massager! Happy Vibrating, Folks!

"Sex Toys provided by SexToy.com home of the biggest selection of vibrators online."

Surprise Reunions

So like two years ago, I was involved with an alpha-male Ivy League grad who liked to wear my panties, be exposed to extreme verbal humiliation, and get fucked by guys. He was also completely in the closet about such things and only told me. So of course I felt special and then, like, fell for him, even though he was sort of an asshole. I mean, definitely an asshole, in many respects. He was just incredibly kinky and smart and let me say the most terrible, meanest things to him in the world and he took pictures of himself with my panties in his mouth. Panties which were covered in his cum. While he was wearing a wig. Needless to say, he kinked me the fuck out.

Then of course as these things go, he disappeared off the face of the earth, and I sat by the phone, gmail inbox, waiting for him. Then I heard from him. I heard excuses which I took as truth because I was being a stupid girl. Then he disappeared again. Reappeared. Excuses. And I punished him. Which was hot and sad. Then he disappeared again, didn't show up for a planned date. So I finally got the nerve to block him from my IM and my email. And he never called. And I got over it. Slowly but surely. Avoided the block where he worked walking to the subway each night but that was that. Pretty much. He started me on a certain path to kink and I valued him for that. But still--asshole.

Fast forward two years to my boyfriend's friend's birthday parry. Pizza joint. She says she has a few more people coming...

Who walks in but Disappearing Kinky Alpha Male.

HIs jaw drops when he sees me. Mine does too. He's a friend of her boyfriend's.

I grab my boyfriend and hiss: I fucking know that guy, I know that guy!

How? How? says Adam.

I dated him. Well, I kinked out with him! He disappeared! He's an asshole!

Ha, says Adam. That was bound to happen eventually.

What was bound to happen eventually? I say.

You running into some dude you... says Adam.

Ha. True that.

For the rest of the night, Kinky Alpha Male and I pretended not to know each other.

Through dinner and karaoke. Yup. So surreal. But what else could we do? He never told any of his friends about me. I wasn't about to out him to this big group of people. And whatever. So. Ha. Kind of amazing.

Me: 30 lbs lighter, in a miniskirt, with a hot and funny boyfriend.

Him: Fatter. Balder. With two bandaids on his hand and a look of defeat in his eyes.

Mmm. Defeat! Not the sexy kind but the kind that makes you feel good about getting over a boy you never thought you'd see again but then DO! It was kind of a gift!

Me: Elated. Relieved. In a good place.

Him: Who the f cares? I mean. Really. HA.

The Daring Young Couple at La Trapeze: An Announcement of Sorts

So this last weekend, the boyfriend, who will henceforth be known as Adam, and I went to La Trapeze.

Which was…INTERESTING.

It’s a swingers club. Like on 17 between 5th and Madison. Janie’s here to tell you all about it. Because why shouldn’t I. There’s barely anything written on it online. Which makes this a fun opportunity!

Okay. So. You buzz the door. They let you in. You pay a guy at a window $120 for you and your guest (it’s a couples only club). He gave us some masks because it was masquerade summer sex in the city party night. Sort of a mixed party metaphor but whatever.

Okay, before I go there, let me just say that Adam and I were excited and nervous before going to La Trapeze. Of course. I mean, I was a bit more nervous than he was. He was being the cool one that night. One of us had to be. Once we got there, I was the one who wanted to get naked first (or rather, in a towel, towels here rule, everyone is in a freaking towel, it’s hilarious) but before, I was totes nervewracked, dude. Because I’d never been to a place like this. I had no idea what to expect, really. We had heard about the buffet which sort of grossed us out, frankly. But that was about it. We were looking for adventure. In a way, we found it…

After we paid, we walked through these double doors. And we were greeted with a sort of cheesy pub atmosphere. Kinda folksy and English. But tvs with very typical porn on them. There were lots of folks in their 50’s half dressed and eating from the buffet which had a sign that said “Please cover your lower torso when standing at the buffet.” Ha. Hilarious. There was a bar with mixers, no alcohol (BYOB). I sorta like that. The place is run by African men. Which was interesting. I wondered what it would be like to work there. In the end, I decided, it would be very weird. And possibly soul sucking. But a summer internship might be fun! Ha.

There’s like a hallway leading from the front buffet/bar area lined with tiny rooms. Private rooms for couples, really. But by the middle of the night, there were like 10 to a room. There were two larger rooms at the top of a short staircase. These rooms were covered in mats and linens. There were mirrors everywhere. There was a locker room to put our stuff. There was a spiral staircase which led to the official upstairs. Upstairs was basically a few small rooms with some sex furniture. Downstairs, there was also a dance floor and a disco ball and a stripper pole which mainly went unused. I mean, I never saw anyone use the stripper pole. I should have. Or Adam should have. He’s a pretty fun dancer. Can certainly get down in his own way. You know it!

At the beginning of the evening when Adam and I were just taking it all in, we decided to have some of the whiskey we brought. Always a good idea. Then we sat on a couch. Next to, I swear, the most attractive couple there! We talked to them for like an hour. They were so lovely! They told us how lucky we were to have each other. That was cute. They talked about their dreams of opening up high-class swinger clubs. We all laughed and drank together and the vibe was pretty cool, but I’m not gonna hold you in suspense—we didn’t hook up. Not sure if that’s because Adam and I were just too nervous to make some moves, or because they weren’t really *INTO us like that, or because they just wanted to chill and make some friends or whatever cuz they like always go to swinger events and know how to just be cool and stuff and knew we were newbies and wanted us to just like take it all in or something. We never saw them fucking at all. They made it into their towels. But they weren’t like doing it anywhere with anyone. I don’t think. Ha. I know. I sound like a high schooler. Dorkwad.

Things that happened at or because of or around or in connection to La Trapeze:

1) Adam and I got a private room. We fucked on a mattress with pretty nice sheets, actually. We kept the door unlocked so people would come in and watch us. No one did. Cuz it’s a private room. Duh.
2) We did it a lot in the big rooms. I figured out a new way to suck his cock which is more like suckling, as if the head of his cock is a nipple, in a way. It gets him hard very quickly. I did this a lot. We fucked a LOT.
3) When Adam spanked me, people went, “Ow that had to hurt!” but it didn’t really. It was like a cutesy spanking. Which is nice and sensual and not owey at all, duh.
4) Here is a point: SWINGERS ARE GENERALLY NOT KINKY PEOPLE. At least the ones we encountered. They have lots of vanilla sex. But in front of other people. Not kinky. Just exhibitionist. Which to me is not really a kink. Because I could care less who watches me have sex. It doesn’t necessarily turn me on. It’s not a guarantee pussy-wetter is what I’m saying.
5) A lot of people groped me while Adam and I fucked. NONE of them asked. NOT ONE. I told about four guys, No thanks. Most guys who touched me went for my asshole. Seriously. There are like no manners at La Trapeze.
6) Adam came on my butt at one point and I felt him rub it into my butt cheeks. SWEET. Then I turned around and he told me that the girl NEXT to me did that! That girl WAS VERY CUTE. A thin white girl with nice boobs, a collar around her neck, striped socks, and a blonde bob. She was VERY CUTE. She also had a fun sorta kinky vibe which was unique there! But. Her date was a creepy dude. Very creepy. He pointed to his dick while looking at me. Like, suck it. I didn’t want to. There is like NO COURTING PROCESS here. Dudes think if you’re there, you’re game. But I’m not, really. Not unless you’re a dude or a chick who is sexy and nice. Most people were kind of humorless. I’m sorry, but they were! (I am making no friends from La Trapeze here in this post.)
7) But blonde girl Jen was cute and nice and smiled a lot and said, You’re cute to me which was a legitimate compliment. I totally finger-banged her. Three fingers at one point. She was soaking. Then came the idea of me fucking Jen with a strap-on! Yay, good idea!
8) When we finally got a room, Jen, Adam, Jen’s creepy date, and I, SUDDENLY, TEN MORE PEOPLE POURED INTO THE ROOM. To watch the girl get fucked by another girl. I was like, no, not doing it and I left. Ha. I know. That might psych some people up, but even at the swingers club, I wanted INTIMACY. Adam supported me cuz he’s understanding and felt similarly.
9) But then we found another room and I got to fuck Jen for a while with the strap-on (used condoms, and it was her strap-on, which was too small, the harness, but I made it work) and that was fun. I asked her what the dildo was made of and she didn’t know and I told her about disinfecting it by boiling if it’s silicone but she just nodded politely, like I don’t care, just fuck me, so, I slipped on a condom, and like, did. Her vagina was sort of very easy to fuck cuz she was mad slippery. But then suddenly some other girl tried to finger me and bit my lip. She was an aggressive kisser and had long fingernails. Then some really big dude was grabbing my tits hard. It became too much. We left again. But Jen was nice. Jen, if you’re out there: call me! I want to teach you about safe sex, have you dump your boyfriend, buy you a new collar, and we can fuck and and you can fuck my boyfriend who thought you were very cute!!!
10) This man that looked like Santa Clause sort of stalked me the whole night. But he was sort of nice! I didn’t mind him so much by 4 am.
11) I gave Adam a massage with a nice older Latina woman who barely spoke any English. “You touch him here, he like it.” She had a nice vibe. Her man rubbed my shoulders and boobs from behind which was nice. But I told him to back off when he tried to finger my butt. What is up with that? Adam never saw the older Latina lady. He was on his tummy with his eyes closed. It was sort of lovely!
12) I came many times throughout the night. Adam fucked me really well over and over.
13) We drank lots of Makers Mark.
14) We looked for that couple we met at the beginning of the night. They were our favorite, and our base camp. But we realized that some friends fade in and out of your life—in like 45 minutes. But we saw them a few more times and they were always nice. But not fucking us. Ha. Maybe we should have made moves. Oh REGRET. Not a lot. A modicum.
15) We ate fruit salad from the buffet. They have free mixers, ice and cups there. That was nice.
16) I really learned how to say no at the swingers club. Basically every time I passed by a guy, he would touch my ass or boobs. That I let go. Because I would be saying no all the time if I didn’t and that gets tiring. If a guy was around while I was riding Adam, he would try to get at me somehow. I don’t like sex that’s THAT anonymous. And their tentative touching was somehow creepier than if they just grabbed my tits hard. Like. Sort of own your moves, creepy dudes.
17) AND NO CONDOMS ANYWHERE. I REPEAT. NO CONDOMS ANYWHERE. We figured there would BE BOWLS OF THEM. La Trapeze in no way fosters safe sex. This, to me, is not a sex positive thing.
18) But my boyfriend and I are sex positive.
19) And I am happy about that.
20) Very.

At 4 am, when we got home from La Trapeze, Adam and I were kinda tipsy and tired. We were all fucked out but parts of us still wanted to fuck and so we did. I even came. Adam was still hard but having a hard time coming, as he had about five times in the evening already. He needlessly jerked his cock hard, arching his back, tightening up his legs, breathing heavy and then he’d sigh and go, “Gah. Nope.”

You know how there comes a point when you want to come because you can, maybe, and you’re satisfied, but you still want to come, because you have a cock or a clit and why not? Well, it’s at this point when Adam asked:

“What are the chances of me just being able to shove my cock in your butt right now?”

I said, “1 in a 100. Try it, some guy just won the lottery in the Bronx, it might work!”

“What?” said Adam.

“Just shove it in,” I said. Stupidly. Ha. Course, he tried shoving his cock in my ass.

“Ow, it hurts,” Adam said. “It hurts my cock. You have the world’s smallest asshole. It’s genetic,” he murmured, but kept on trying to get in. Hey anal newbs: THIS IS THE WORST WAY TO TRY TO HAVE ANAL SEX. But I just laughed. There was no way it was going in. Barely any lube, no fingers, no tongue action. But he tried. So did I. We figured there was a small chance a slight sneak attack on my rosebud might work. It didn’t work. Adam just fell to the bed.

Minutes later, he finally came, after jerking off hard, sighing, “Ha. That didn’t even feel good.” We giggled. We fell asleep in each other’s arms. It doesn’t matter that the ending to the night was, in part, an anal disaster. Who cares? Who cares when it’s one moment in many? Being open to those moments. To all kinds of moments. That’s the ticket, I’m learning. And that’s an exciting realization in a relationship that, for me, has a way of getting more exciting.

Okay, so: Adam and I want to have safe sex with other couples who are hot and funny. This is not being picky. This is having standards. I am proud of these standards. Okay, maybe the people just have to be hot. Or just funny. We want our sex lives to include humor and experimentation. We want to be able to communicate with our lovers, not just reach out and grab them. It is a very exciting prospect for us. I think we can make it happen. I think we can find likeminded folk at other clubs, events, or parties. We don’t want to be TOO sceney. But we do want to find our place somewhere in the scene. To all the kinky fun happy sex positive swingers out there: I say: BRING IT. You know where to find me.

Us.

Sex Toy Review: SENSATIONS (it's a board game!)

So my boyfriend and I like to play games. Like sexy games. Such as sexual favor blackjack and I’m gonna blindfold you and sneak up on you after several minutes while you’re lying there all anxious and then molest you and how quickly can I make you cry with this riding crop games. These are fun games we like to play! Because we like to play fun games, I was very excited when I received the board game: Sensations! (A Sensuous Game for Lovers. Oooh.) My bf said it should have been named Sinsations. He’s so clever.



The game itself, however, is not very sinful. But it does come with fun things like massage oil, a blindfold, an hour glass (that’s like a minute glass, but really like a three minute glass), a little vibrator, some challenge cards, paper and pencils, and some favor coupons! And then there’s a board and two little game pieces. Two ugly game pieces. We thought they should have been in the shape of tits and a cock or something. It’s a game FOR LOVERS. Anyway. You roll the dice. You land on a square. And then you look at the key and figure out what the square is telling you to do.

Sometimes the square tells you to pick up a challenge card and do something fun like, “Put a treat somewhere on your body. Now blindfold your lover. Have him/her find the treat using just his/her sense of smell. If he/she finds the treat and licks it all up before time is up, he/she receives a favor coupon!” I smeared chocolate cake on my inner thigh. He found it. That was fun! But then sometimes you land on a square, and it has a symbol which means “Pick a number between 1 and 6. Roll the dice. If you thought of the number it lands on, you get a favor coupon!” See, that’s dumb. Telling the future? It should be like “Make your boyfriend come using only your mouth before time runs out. If you do this, you get a favor coupon. Now smear his come on your tits, you fucking slut. Who owns that cunt?” Or something. He would never say anything like that. He’s a nice boy.

Other challenges were like “Write your top five favorite vacation spots. As well as what you think your lover’s might be. Whoever guesses the most right gets a favor coupon.” That was kinda cute and fun and we actually learned something about one another there! Cute!

There were a lot of “give your partner a massage” spaces on the board, it seemed. But you’d have to spin two spinners to find out what was getting massaged by what. My boyfriend spun the spinner and got “buttocks” (mine) and “toes” (his). Which meant he had to give me a butt massage with his toes. Which just kind of made me laugh and hurt a little bit. Ha.

Anyway, not enough times does one land on a space on the board which requires to pick up a challenge card. And since the object of the game is to complete all the challenges and then count up who has receive the most favor coupons, it kinda stinks that there aren’t more opportunities to complete challenges. Cuz the game lasts for way too long. Like we played for over an hour and only got 5 favor coupons, and there’s like 30 challenge cards in the box. So you have to pretty much dedicate a whole day to playing Sensations. Which we weren’t prepared to do. And there weren’t enough kinky things, we thought.

Oh, sidenote: another weird challenge was write a 7 letter word on your lovers back using only your tongue. I wrote the word “buckets” on his back. He actually guessed it! We should have BOTH gotten favor coupons for that. But only he did! Which was annoying. My tongue worked hard! Doh.

Since the challenges go in order, I had a feeling they maybe got a little bit more hardcore as the game went on, and sure enough—they do! But we didn’t get that far in the game. Yeah, I cheated and looked. One of the last challenges read: “Turn your partner on using only your private parts. If you succeed, you get a favor coupon.” But private parts? Barf. Kindergarten language. And like I said, we didn’t get that far, cuz the game LASTS. SO. LONG. Basically they should have a 20 minute version of Sensations (Quickies!) and maybe a 2 hour version. Anyway.

That’s my major complaint. Length of play. And timidness of challenges. And not enough kink. But I think for some new couples just starting out, this game would be very fun! Just make sure to have some drinks on hand. And play naked. And allow yourself some fooling around or fuck breaks. Even if that means you might not ever finish the game, I think the point of it is really to create arousal and tension and work with your new natural chemistry. So make the game work for you is my advice. This is Janie Blooms. Out.

"Sex Toys provided by SexToy.com home of the biggest selection of anal toys online."

When Big Things Happen

There are things that happen in your life. Things that you discover. Or rather, things that discover you. Things that happen without your willingness to say yay or nay. Things that seem inevitable, tragic, fated. All those big words. And even if what happens to you always seemed destined to happen to you, you are not prepared for it when it does happen. Because what we expect will happen never feels like we think it will feel. It feels real. It feels non-dramatized. It feels like the true story that the film is based on. It’s undiluted life.

Nothing bad has happened directly to me but to someone close to me. Something health-related. Of course, when something bad happens to someone you love, you feel it. Not like they feel it, but how you imagine they feel, in a way, digested, revised, translated through your heart and mind. I imagine their toughness, their strength, their resolve, being tested. And I know how hard that must be for them. Or I can imagine. Because when something hard happens to a strong person, it is sorta like, the ways in which they are weak are revealed. But underneath that weakness lies their strength. Their vulnerability is their strength. Their ability to show their wounds and say, this is how I have been hurt. And this is the way I am going to heal. The open air, the openness, will create the emotional scabs. So to speak.

Again, nothing bad has happened directly to me. But to someone close to me. The strongest person I have ever met. And the person who has given me so much of my own strength.

There exists a zillion and a half unknowns at this point. Anxiety, therefore, is the enemy. We are taking each bit of information as it comes. Digesting them, making conclusions, or more accurately, assumptions. It is not logical, emotionally or, um, logically, to make leaps ahead and start thinking about the terribly and terrifyingly grand “What Ifs.” What if my laptop exploded right now into a thousand chocolate covered sprinkles? What if my mirror turned purple and revealed my image as a 60 year old? What if the capital of Alaska was Honolulu? It does us no good to think about such things. Because it doesn’t provide solutions for the present. It doesn’t give us the options we need to feel differently about things. It just presents us with impossible situations that have not occurred and need not ever occur, really.

I can’t go into specifics here. I can’t say who has the health problem or what it is or anything like that because, well, it’s personal. Well, it’s personal because it’s not about me. I will say pretty much whatever about myself on here. But when it comes to people I love and their non-kink, non-sexy related affairs—I feel the need to be somewhat silent. In fact, I’m weary of mentioning even THIS much on here, because it really doesn’t have much to do with the thesis of this blog. But I needed a platform to display some of my feelings. And this seemed like a good place to do that. For whatever reason.

It is the strangest thing when something BIG happens. And all the other things you thought were big suddenly become very small, and actually for me, quite manageable. It’s not that things become less important, but their importance just shrinks compared to the big thing that just happened. And I really start to use all my faculties, like all my LIVING faculties, to the best of my ability. I was talking to a sibling the night I found out, and I said that right before I discovered the news, I was starving. Now I couldn’t eat a thing. But I felt alive, alert, awake. And he told me, You’re in warrior mode. Which was so true. My caveman self felt: There’s a lion chasing you. Or the barbarians from the next village over are pillaging your land, you must take action! That’s what my body was thinking. That’s what it was doing. Warrior mode. I started cleaning my house like a madwoman. Fast. Sweating. I started throwing things out. With tears running down my face. But strong. I know, it sounds silly. But I was in warrior mode, and my apartment was my land that I had to protect. Then my boyfriend came over. With movies, brownies, a flogger, himself. And it was somewhat like someone had come to save me from the lion. Or at least treat me after the lion had bit me in the leg and scratched at my arms and legs. In real present life, what happened was this: I could be present with my sadness while unloading some of it on to my boyfriend. And that felt very good. He continues to impress me. He really does know how to step up.

Yesterday was only the day after I found out the big news. It was a very long day. I was very tired. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I sort of hid away and spent hours doing very little. Thinking only about the crisis. A perpetual lump in my throat. I felt the need to go shopping. It’s interesting that such age-old gendered activities like cleaning and shopping would make their way to the forefront of my coping mechanisms. But then, finally, after what seemed an extremely long day, I had dinner with my best friend. We hadn’t hung out in a long time and we had much to talk about BESIDES the current crisis: vacations, weddings, work drama, new jobs, etc. It was good to hunker down with her and spill my guts and laugh about the absurdity of it all. About how these things can happen to anyone. They happen to me. They happen to the ones I love. They actually happen.

That really goes back to what I was saying way up there at the beginning of the post. That when these things happen, nothing can prepare you for them. You hope you will react healthily: with a good dose of sympathy, patience, and logical problem-solving. But you never know. These kinds of things elicit strange reactions from people. So far, everyone I know has reacted as expected. But we’re only at the beginning of the journey of dealing with this. The event has already changed our lives. And now it is time to continue on with our lives, as we were, and yet, as completely different human beings. To be attentive to the crisis, and yet to demand normalcy. I hope I can do it. I hope. I hope. For them. And for me.